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October 5, 2011

Drive it like you stole it

      Driving offensive isn't enough anymore if you want to stay safe on the roads and survive your daily commute.  You have got to drive aggressive.  Or more to the point drive like a total ass. 
     Seem harsh?  Well, it's not.  You have got to get in these crazy a-holes faces before they can get in yours.  Keep in mind, they are trying to kill you.  So I say beat them to the punch and fk 'em if they can't take a joke. 
     If they ride your tail, slow way down.  I hate that fkn move.  That's just a very douchey move.  They're just like "Hey I wanna pass this guy ahead of me but instead of just using the WIDE open lane next to him to do it I'm gonna get all the way up his ass till he moves over for me." 
     Well, I don't move, I brake.  And when the coroner is bagging 'em up I'll just tell the cops a dog ran right out in front of me without an ounce of remorse because you know what if I would have had to suddenly stop I would have had a bright yellow Hummer H3 straight up my ass to my Adam's apple so it was either him or me. 
     If the jerk goes to cut you off, speed up.  Floor it.  But if they still succeed pull up beside them and flip 'em the bird.  Hell, flip 'em 2, hard.  Hell speed up and ram 'em in the ass if you want to.  I say fk 'em.
     I'm sorry but it's true.  People drive like totally insane assholes today.  It's just far too dangerous to be nice anymore on the roads.  The days of nice are long gone.  The fact is that in this world you either get walked on or you do the walking so your gonna have to either accept that or bend over and grab your ankles.
     I prefer standing up.  Just like Dee Snider said, I'm not gonna take it!  If one of us has to go its for damn sure gonna be you because I've got things to do today so you can either drive right or get your obnoxious SUV the hell out of my way.

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