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September 22, 2011

Kids are so damn rude!

     I love my kids more than anything in the world.  I'm a big fan of children in general.  I think they are awesome.  They, like all people, can also be cute little jerks though.
     They know they are adorable and that you love them and they TOTALLY take advantage of it.  They think they can get away with anything. 
     For example when my 9yr old was a baby he threw up right in my mouth.  And then you know what he did?  He laughed about it.  Can you believe that?  He laughed right in my face.  Didn't feel the least bit bad about it. Not even an "I'm Sorry".  Nothing but that laugh and knowing look.
     And I can't tell you how many times my kids have kept me up all damn night long.  They don't care, they don't have to go to work.  They can sleep all day long. 
     They don't even feel bad for you.  The thought never crosses their minds that hey Dad is cool and he has to get up really early like before the sun so lets be cool and go to sleep at a decent hour.  Hell no.  They don't ever think like that.  It's just me, me, me all day long.  It's always all about them.
     I'm thirsty, my toe hurts, my blankets too warm. Aaarrrggghhh!
     And then theres the best trick they do.  The real kick in the crotch. 
     How in the hell do kids know exactly when to interrupt sex?  They have a sixth sense for it.  I cant tell you how many times one of my kids has c***-blocked me.  Right in my own house and were talking well after bedtime.  Ridiculous.
     You really gotta admire that level of narcissism though I think.  It is admirable to think so highly of yourself.  To still believe the whole world revolves around you.  Its sweet.
     Let's lose the c***-blocking though cuz that is just really uncool.  I don't care how little you are, one more time and its on son.  I'll throw that door wide open and punch you square in the nose.

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