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November 9, 2011

Married Frustration

You start your engines, take off for battle, but before you reach your objective, you get shot down.
Rejection is hard for any guy to deal with. 
But if your married it hurts the worst because we get shot down by friendly fire.
The single man's enemy is just a drunken face in the crowd.
But after the married get shot out of the sky we still have to sleep next to our enemy. 
Hell, we even have to tell them we love them before they turn their backs on us.
If a single guy gets shot down at the bars it might hurt for a second but he still has lots more drunk chicks to choose from and plenty more chances to score.
But, When your married and your wife shoots you down, the battle is completely fkn over.  Because that was our only plane.
Now we're left with nothing but our hands.
And I'm sorry but It's just not right for a married man to have to make love to himself.
This isn't what I signed up for.  I didn't get married to masturbate.  I got married for sex.
Sure I love her but why would I agree to sleep right next to a woman that I can't have, voluntarily, forever?
They don't tell you but that's what marriage is, you buy the car and suddenly you can't drive it.
It's right there, you can look at it, you want to drive it, it looks fun, your making the payments, but she has the damn keys.
It's a crime.
You should be able to call the cops when you wife cuts you off.
It should be illegal.  It's very own option on 911.
In a perfect world this is how it would be...
"Hello 911, whats your emergency?"
"Yes operator, my wife has completely cut me off."
"You poor bastard, she didn't even offer you a handi J?"
"No ma'am, nothing, not even a glimpse of titty."
"Oh, you poor thing...our sex officer is on her way.  Stay on the line with me so that I can give you emergency phone sex till she arrives."

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