Laughing News vol 1

Tue, 5/15 2012

Huge fit thrown over toy
A spoiled white child reportedly went ape shit crazy earlier today inside a Dollar General store.  Police say the fit is now under control but had started when 7 year old spoiled white child, Brayden Mills, told his Mom to buy him a Lego kit but instead she just said no.  "When she said no I saw him freak out."  Rebbecca Meeks, a nearby associate that witnessed the whole fit said and she had this to say about the fit. "He totally lost it right away."  Rebbecca had said.  "The kid was obnoxious for sure but he really threw one hell of a good fit.  It was great.  He wanted that Lego kit bad and I bet you he got it to.  That kid was spoiled."


Weather
Prostitutes in the city all agree, it's been cold at night on these streets.  Low in the 40's tonight.  Doorman said it was supposed to rain later too.


Cheaters Win?
A new study reveals that despite what many top mothers had told us it turns out that cheaters actually do win.  You could even say they tend to excel in the world today.  Many cheaters are even famous politicians, most actually, all kinds of people even many millionaire athletes cheat and win all the time.
In a related story new studies also show nice guys finish last and chicks really do dig assholes.


Bus Drivers Strike
Elementary school bus drivers are threatening to strike due to unsatisfactory working conditions.  A spokesman for the drivers said that the main problem the drivers had with their jobs was being sick of the kids being jerks when they are trying to drive the bus.  When asked how kids would get to school if the drivers did strike one driver responded, "There parents can drive them. I really don't care anymore I'm done."  Hopefully terms can be reached by the first to avoid the strike but these guys really seemed to hate their jobs.



The Alabama Hillbillies
Jarvis Pike struck oil on his property while digging to put in a pool Tuesday morning discovering a huge oil well beneath his property.  Now that the Pike's have struck oil they want to secede from the US and become their own country Jarvis told reporters.  When asked why Jarvis said that he wanted to pay a reasonable price for gas and that would just never happen in America.  "I'm only gonna charge $1.50 a gallon for gas in Jarvis."  He plans to name his country Jarvis.


News Updates

'Avengers' is on pace to gross over a billion dollars at the box office already.  I think the movie looks really good but I haven't seen it even though a lot of people did.

A man in Texas decided yesterday that his new belt buckle is finally big enough for him at least for now.

New article attacks Cap'n Crunch, says he is a jerk. Click the link to find out why - Cap'n Crunch

Local man says he is fine with his new neighbor parading around naked all the time because he supports her rights as a nudist but neighbors say it is clearly only because she is hot.


Editorials

     Young people today - Melvin Lynch isn't fond of today's youth.  76 years old and from a better time when kids were good Melvin knows how things should be and he says so.  Today's topic: Youth Fashion
     - These young girls today hardly wear any clothes at all.  They show so much skin in their tight little outfits that it's easy to imagine the rest so they are practically naked.  These girls look to eager to breed Melvin said adding that girls in his day liked sex just as much but played it cool in front of the adults.  These kids today are like cats in heat Melvin said before he had to leave to go run some kids off his yard.

     Shaving your coin purse - Do it or don't? Who knows? Find out here when Laughing News investigates why men like me shave their cash and prizes for the ladies. Laughing News digs deep and finally just walked right up and just started outright asking real hot chicks if they liked it shaved or not so we'd know and they all told me the answer. What kind of genitals do the hot chicks want? Find out.

Questions are answered all the time so get out there and find your answer today for once.

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