Left never felt so right...

All the mind numbing excitement of watching brightly colored cars go around and around over and over for hours on end. 

You can almost feel the speed as the announcers describe it.  Using dozens of words like 'fast' and 'very fast' and the 4 syllable monster 'Accelereate' to portray the SPEED. 

The uncertainty and unpredictability of when you may nod off riding on each and every left hand turn. 

You see literally tens of colors and more than 11 words on nearly every car.

Nascar's on TV and it has almost has some of the thrills of an actual sport without all the talent, and excitement threatening to disturb your nap or draw your attention in any way.

With drivers you can cheer through every lap.  You've got your Earnhardt's, Waltrips, Three or four Billy Bob's and the cutest little fairy you ever saw decked out in the prettiest rainbow outfit and car on wheels that Pepsi has ever endorsed.




Other funny posts to check out are...
-  Hicks are scary
- 18 wheels and 7 teeth
- Drive It Like You Stole It

Drive it like you stole it

      Driving offensive isn't enough anymore if you want to stay safe on the roads and survive your daily commute.  You have got to drive aggressive.  Or more to the point drive like a total ass. 
     Seem harsh?  Well, it's not.  You have got to get in these crazy a-holes faces before they can get in yours.  Keep in mind, they are trying to kill you.  So I say beat them to the punch and fk 'em if they can't take a joke. 
     If they ride your tail, slow way down.  I hate that fkn move.  That's just a very douchey move.  They're just like "Hey I wanna pass this guy ahead of me but instead of just using the WIDE open lane next to him to do it I'm gonna get all the way up his ass till he moves over for me." 
     Well, I don't move, I brake.  And when the coroner is bagging 'em up I'll just tell the cops a dog ran right out in front of me without an ounce of remorse because you know what if I would have had to suddenly stop I would have had a bright yellow Hummer H3 straight up my ass to my Adam's apple so it was either him or me. 
     If the jerk goes to cut you off, speed up.  Floor it.  But if they still succeed pull up beside them and flip 'em the bird.  Hell, flip 'em 2, hard.  Hell speed up and ram 'em in the ass if you want to.  I say fk 'em.
     I'm sorry but it's true.  People drive like totally insane assholes today.  It's just far too dangerous to be nice anymore on the roads.  The days of nice are long gone.  The fact is that in this world you either get walked on or you do the walking so your gonna have to either accept that or bend over and grab your ankles.
     I prefer standing up.  Just like Dee Snider said, I'm not gonna take it!  If one of us has to go its for damn sure gonna be you because I've got things to do today so you can either drive right or get your obnoxious SUV the hell out of my way.

More from Laughing at Life...

Left never felt so right

18 wheels and 7 teeth

18 wheels and 7 teeth

       Can we get rid of the damn Semi's already?  I hate those huge friggin' death machines. 
     And the nerve of those fkrs..."If you can't see my mirrors I cant see you."  Oh really?  Well if you cant see that much space around that beast then you need to get that damn monster off the road and fix your defective friggin' mirrors. 
     Maybe it's just me but I think that not being able to see whats around you in that big of an area at 70mph sounds like a pretty damn big problem to me but no, they have a sticker.  That seems to be enough to cover their asses and we're just on our own to survive.
     But then these tubs of goo hicks behind the wheel of these monsters also drive these beasts like they are fkn Honda Civics and I for one am sick of taking my life in some rednecks hands every time I wanna pass one of these beasts. 
     That is the absolute worst.   Your passing a Semi and on your other side is the concrete divider.  You get about halfway passed him and then all the sudden you see his blinkers come on and he starts creeping over completely oblivious to you.  
     Now you either have to floor it, brake severely to get out, or let him crush you like a bug against the divider.  Beautiful. 
     I'm telling you if I die like that I'm gonna be pissed off for like the whole first month I'm in heaven.  I swear, I can see it now.  Jesus will try to calm me down but I'll be too mad to listen even to J.C..
     I'll haunt that redneck fkr every damn day till he finally snaps, moves to the deep woods, and marry's his cousin like he's supposed to.
     You'll also see alot of these hicks with that bumper sticker on the back claiming that "Trucks drive America."  Well, that may be true but come on, it's 2011, so why the hell can't we just teleport our damn merchandise and supplies yet?
     Someone get the nerds on this one right away so we can drive safely without a bunch of under-educated rednecks making every trip to work a gamble. 
     I don't wanna get killed by someone with less teeth in his mouth than tires on his vehicle.   So come on you mighty nerds, y'all figured out how to give men erections long past when nature intended for it to be soft, so y'all can crack teleporting for sure. 
     So come on brainiac's let's use those big sexy brains to thin the redneck herd of truck drivers off our roads and help make things safer out there. 
     Thank you in advance nerds.  I am a huge fan of all the great things you have already done for society and I know you can do this one too. 
     Go get 'em guys!  Park those monsters for good and make those ugly Semi's relics forever.

Other funny stuff from Laughing at Life...

Mall security guards

Hicks are scary