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September 28, 2012

Cigarette Prices in America Today

     This is a guest post I did for the Squire's Squadron blog a while back and I wanted to share it with you guys here.  Check out Squire Squadron too though, funny stuff.  Anyway here it is...

    What I'm gonna talk about while i'm here is how the man is screwing us extra hard once again.  These cigarettes are just too damn expensive today. 

     I mean come on, $5.00 a pack for Marlboro's?  Are you fkn kidding me? 

     Chris Rock once said that them's crack prices, and they really are.  He's totally right. 

     I mean think about it y'all, it's completly dispicable these prices for our smokes.  I man it's just awful. 

     It might be at least a solid number 6 on the all time list of great incidents of butt rape against us citizens of the United States of America ever occurring in time. 

     Of course number one being 9/11, but this cigarette price conspiracy is at least 6th of all time if not 5.  Who knows.  i'll have to make the list sometime..,

      Someday maybe I'll do a complete top ten of all the biggest screw jobs and conspiracy's against the American citizens done to us by our corrupt and greedy government, and maybe the Squadron will invite me back to tell y'all all about it, but for now, let's just stick with these outrageous fking cigerette prices..,

     Think about just how big of an attack against the lifestyles of us poor people this cigerette price sh*t really is.  A brutal attack againt every poor smoker,  all unpaid writers, or overnight pregnant convienience store clerk, even other various defeated and broken groups or individuals walking around, i'm in three of these groups ,  and I can say first hand that all three of us are getting royally screwed hard here.

   How the hell can an upaid struggling writer like me, be expected to afford the cost of feeding my fat face microwaved hot pockets and drinking 2liters of MTN Dew, just sitting on ass in front of my computer, chainsmoking cigerettes.   Sitting fat and unpaid in a plume of smoke and just writing away with my clever words.  Burning my sugar Momma's hard earned money on these expensive cigarettes.

     I'm trying desperatly to write that one funny enough joke to blow up and go viral or maybe even to write a good enough short story and finally get myself paid for this writing and feed my babies with my passion and these smartass funny jokes and words. 

     Seriously, I need to start making enough money soon to at least chip in on cigs and groceries from this silly writing. 

     Achieving the status of poor is on our family's short term goal list, it's #3 in fact.  Then maybe my wife could think of me during sex again and maybe she might even stop scowling everytime she walks by my fat bottomed chain-smoking ass as I sit there at the computer just endlessly hunting and pecking, working on blogs for free with all my clever little smart*ss words.  

     Bottom line is, I just really can't afford to chainsmoke and write for much longer. 

     For now, I write these words for free.  I can't write without MTN Dew and cigarettes far as I know.  I never have before.    If I cant get paid to be funny I'm afraid I may need to get a real job or quit smoking.

I can't quit smoking because guess what, punch in the crotch number two in the cig price conspiracy, these cigarettes are addictive.

     You see the problem right?  Here's more proof if your skeptial still..,

     Quick fact's for you about why I'm so pissed about all this BS real quick.  I don't want to complain too much or overstay my welcome here.  I'm actually wanting to come back and write that top ten list but real quickly though some facts..,

      Did y'all know how much a pack of ciggarettes's cost in Iraq? 

     $1.57, and that's for Marlboro's. My Decades' are almost $# and they are the cheapest at the store.  So they pay half that and I know what your'e thinking, b*llsh*t right? 

     Yes, I thought so too.  And guess what else?   You don't even want to Google what a gallon of gas costs over in Iraq.

     66 cents.  No sh*t y'all.  66 pennies.

     To recap, gas is $3 cheaper and cigarettes are 4 bucks cheaper and that kinda seems wierd tome right?  Because I mean, didn't we just like conquor all of Iraq?  Wtf is up with these prices then am I right?  Where's our cheap smakes and gas here in the US? 

     Either we're being screwed royal like or I say we get Seal team 6 and Obama on this shit right here right away and get these two problems or at least the cigarette price delema solved right away.  Money's getting tight.

     That's all I'm saying here though seriously folks, we're gonna have to rise up here or the man won't stop all this violating of us.  Us poor are the 99%ers remember.   We may be fat and lazy but there's ton's more of us.  We'd win.

     The tobacco and gas company's are raping us hard and, I don't know about y'all, but my butt is awful sore.  So, let's pick a time and tweet each other so we can find a place and a time we can meet up and go fk up the man enough toat least get these cigerette and gas prices down some back home here in the motherland.


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