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October 9, 2011

Hicks are scary

     Hicks scare the shit out of me.  I am very nervous around these people.  I even have some hick friends that I've known for years that I'm still kinda scared of to this day.  They're just too unpredictable and outdoorsy for me. 
     I mean right now I'm safe but, If it ever came down to hunting or survival I know I'd be screwed.  And the thought of being at the mercy of an insane person with half of my IQ scares the crap out of me. 
     Now if your in a library, or any place with books, and or technology for that matter, hicks aren't very scary at all.  In front of a computer, they are downright docile.  But the further away from civilization they get the scarier they become.  And once that first YEEE-HAW escapes I'm ready to piss myself. 
     Being around rednecks in the wild is like living the beginning of every scary movie ever.  There a chainsaw short of a massacre at all times in the wild.
     I always get the vibe that even they aren't real sure of their limitations or that they even know what they're going to do next.  And I have NEVER met a hick that didn't have crazy eyes, at least one missing visible tooth, and beer breath whether they have been drinking or not.  They are just plain scary is pretty much the bottom line.
     I love you y'all crazy hicks but if we're gonna hang out there has to be technology around.  I'm pretty sure that's their Kryptonite.  So if your ever being attacked by a hick throw your i-Phone at him.  If that doesn't work try asking him about his Mama and them, I've heard that buys you a few precious seconds. 
     Otherwise drop trow, grab your ankles, and squeal like a pig boy 'cuz you know you have a pretty mouth.

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