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September 17, 2011

Why is everything bad for you so good?

       Almost everything I like is either fattening, gives you cancer, or can outright kill you. 
     I seem to love alot of things that are unhealthy. 
     I like healthy things too.  like bananas are good.  I gotta agree with monkeys on that one I like bananas and sometimes orange juice is good but its always better with Vodka.
     My favorite things are gonna kill me and you know what...
     I don't care.
     I have been dying ever since I was born.  Every breath of fresh air is one more tick off the clock so pass the booze and nachos because it's on.
     Plus almost all my vices go together so to give up one id have to give up many and that's just unacceptable. Life might end up being longer but isn't the important thing the quality of it and not the quantity?  Sure I could live to be 100 but if I gave up everything I loved did I really live at all or did I just exist? 
     I'd much rather get the most enjoyment I can legally get out of life before God punches my ticket than live in fear of what I enjoy denying myself joy in the hope that I'll get a few more extra years on the planet.  Also from what I've heard Heaven kicks ass!  So I think instead of living in fear I'll do what I want and enjoy what makes me happy.
     Like cigarettes.
     I love my cigarettes and they go great with almost EVERYTHING.  Id have to give up sex, alcohol, driving, food, hell everything with that one.  All my vices go with my smokes so no way health freaks.  Not doing it. So back off me because the only thing I don't do with a cigarette is swim and trust me, Marlboro's on it.  And soon as they figure how to keep one lit underwater you can bet your ass ill be underwater smoking.  I mean how cool does that sound?  Me and a fish just kicking it on a smoke break.  Doesn't that sound fkn awesome?
     Then there's my soda.
     No way I'm ever giving that up.  My doctor could tell me tomorrow, "Shawn, If you don't give up soda your gonna lose your foot to diabetes."  And with no thought at all I'd immediately say to him, "Well Doc, which one you want and where's the nearest Coke machine?" 
     I couldn't even consider giving up soda.  For one its just sooooo damn good.  Two the bubbles feel pleasant on my tongue and three I love it.  So get over it Doc.  And don't even mention switching to diet because you can stick that diet crap where the sun don't shine.  That diet sh@ts nasty.  People say you get used to it but I'm sorry sugar just kicks way too much ass.
     Then theres my fried food.
     There's another one I'll NEVER give up.  Give up french fries?  Never.   Fkn forget about it.  There's just no way.  And my Double Quarter Pounders?  Never. Not ever am I gonna give them up. 
     I love my fried food.  I have never eaten something fried and not liked it.  I'm pretty sure you could fry a book and it'd taste good.
     They also say alcohol is a bad one too but...
    NOPE.  Not giving up that either.  Why?  What for?  I need it.  Otherwise I'd have to bang my head on rocks just to take a break from reality and relax.  Plus what would I drink with my chicken wings? 
     Oh, chicken wings, another delicious fried food that theres no way in hell I'm ever giving up.
     People will say, "Well don't you wanna live a long life?"  And to that I say, "Hell no I don't.  Why would I wanna be old? 
     Old people make me sad.  That sounds ignorant but think about it.  I don't feel any different in my mind but I can feel the differences of age in my body and I'm only 35.
     Imagine what I'll feel like when I cant even stand up from a chair on my own or walk at a decent speed or even grip a pencil.  That's gotta be hell on earth because your still you in your mind but your stuck in this old feeble prison and can't do anything for yourself.
     So bum me a smoke, crack a beer, and lets head to McDonald's because "I'm lovin' it!"

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