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September 24, 2011

Wtf alarm, I just went to sleep.

     I'm having my favorite dream...

  The one where I'm President and my first lady Scarlet Johannson has just taken off her top, locked my office door, and is slowly approaching me undoing the drawstring on her lacy, see through, pajama bottoms when all the sudden my cock-blocking alarm clock violently jolts me from the Oval Office and back to stupid ass reality where its obviously time to get back up and go back to doing the same boring crap I did yesterday and the day before that because that's way more important than Scarlett. 
     And don't even attempt trying to go back to sleep and get that same dream back.  You'll end up as Mayor McCheese and Scarlett's gone too, now she's Rosie O'Donnell wrapped in a thin layer of saran wrap holding a giant alarm clock that is blaring like the nuke alarm on a submarine because fkn snooze only gives you enough extra sleep to piss you off.
     Responsibility sucks.  Being an adult is nowhere near as cool as it was made out to be.  Kids are total idiots for not realizing how awesome they actually have it.  I know I was.  Throughout my entire childhood all I wanted was to be a grown up and now I'd kill to be a kid again.  I had absolutly NO idea at all how great I had it. 
     Being an adult sucks.  Why do you think we drink?  I mean what good is it to be able to do whatever you want when you can't afford to do anything and couldn't find a babysitter for 6 kids to go do it even if you could?  And so fkn what I can stay up as late as I want.  No matter how late I stay up I still have to get up for work well before the sun even rises. 
     I'm in bed by nine and it'd be earlier if the kids were asleep.  I'm too tired to enjoy my freedom because I get up so damn early for  work.
    That's another thing that sucks about being an adult, work.  Don't get me started on how much I love having to sell most of my time for so little money to do the same old crap over and over everyday for the next 30 or so years.  I'd love to go back to school like the kids.  I didn't realize how good that time of my life was and I never realized just how important it really was.
     I want a second chance at being a kid.  If I could I'd trade the next kid to tell me they can't wait to be a grown-up in a second and I'd never look back.  They are so lucky that I can't switch 'em because I know they don't realize what they'd be giving up and I have NO problem giving up what they'd get.  Bring on the Incan wish bowl.  Let's switch kid!

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